meximick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Letter to Mom 3/14/02 Quick, while I have it in my head... An email I just sent to mom. Definitely better read from the bottom up. Mom, We haven't spoken in a long time, and I'm still not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is very hurt that we don't or can't communicate. Part of me is glad that at the very least, we aren't yelling at each other. The past is the past. Nothing can change it. I have fond memories of you and of [brother] and of happier times. I'm glad about that. I also have many sad and unhappy memories - some with you, some with others - I try not to think of them, but they are in my head, mixed in with those better, happier thoughts. You seem to remember those happy memories with me and you hold them so tightly that you think that's the way it was much of the time. I don't think of my memories like that. I can't crawl back into your lap like a child. I have grown up, and I have responsibilities of my own. I am fully in control of my own life. Your criticisms in the past hurt me more than you realize. What also bothers me is the fact that I think that if you saw me today, you would complain non-stop about my hair. Do you still hate it? You need to love me now, just as I am. I don't want stupid words from an internet email. I'd rather hear kind words from my loving mother. I love you mom. your son, meximick >From: "Mom" >To: >Subject: Re: Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime >Date: Thu, 14 Mar 2002 13:06:08 -0800 > Because you have always been special to me and because I have not stopped loving you. >This means things in life happen for a reason. When you came into my life I was the happiest person on earth because I was blessed with a healthy and beautiful child. That child is now gone and on his own but I have not stopped loving this child. >I don't know why you have asked me to explain what this message means, maybe you can figure it out. >My needs have been met, my desire fulfilled, my work as a mother is done and now you are on your own and gone from my life. >People have come into my life for a Season, I have shared, grown and learned something new from them and they are gone. My lifetime relationships are my brothers, they, especially Joaquin, have taught me a lot of things in life and he will be there for me when I need him. >I am having lunch as I write this message, I cooked salmon, rice and asparagus. It's ok, BUT NOT as the meals you used to prepare for me. I really enjoyed them. >Take care Meximick, and remember, you are in my mind and in my heart every single day of my life. >Love Mom. > P.S. The weather here is sunny and it is near 70. When the sun is out it is hot. > > > > > > >>> "mexi mick" >That's nice of you. Thanks for the huge email. > >I'd like you to respond when you get a moment and tell me what you think >this email means. > >thanks, >meximick > > > >From: "Mom" > >To: > >Subject: Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime > >Date: Thu, 14 Mar 2002 10:33:02 -0800 > >I love you Meximick and I miss you. > > > >Mom ##message5.txt## >>>>> ****START READING HERE****<<<<<<As I was hurredly writing this, I felt driven. I felt determined to state my ideas as plainly as I could. I made careful choice of words and phrases. I didn't quite make it so a child could understand, but if she really listens to my words, maybe something'll click. And then, for two minutes, praying no one would come to my door, I sobbed. This is not easy, but I dearly wish it could be. But I did smile at her postscript. Thanks, mom. 5:32 p.m. - 2002-03-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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