meximick's diary

meximick's Diaryland Diary

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25 issues

I'd like to say I've been too busy to D'land, but I still find plenty o'time in the day to fuck around at work. I call it overtime and I get paid more to do it. I just haven't had anything good to write down to make me smile, which is the reason I started this thing in the first place.

Office party tonight. While the suckers I work with are busy, you know, talking and wishing each other happy holidays, I'll be at a table in the corner with the bottle of J&B I will grift from the foolish bartender. Yeah, I'm on a mission tonight. Honestly though, I don't enjoy being around my coworkers when I'm sober, how can I enjoy drinking much alcohol with them. Unless the newsroom foxes are fully throwin' down, then shit is on, y'all.

But we'll see.

Oh, I almost got 2 accounts taken away from me yesterday because the client hates our company, so they screamed the salesperson stupid. He asked me if I thought they were overwhelming. I told him a retarded monkey could do both his job and mine. I also told him to lay off the coke, and that I hoped his new marriage works out better than the previous marriage he fucked up. But it came out as, "Now that we're on the same page with respect to the client's needs, I feel a lot more confident about where I stand. I'm not overwhelmed at all."
I hated being that guy.
So earlier in the week, I had what partygirl referred to as "25 issues". I'm turning 25 on Sunday and it's true, I had some whatthefuckhaveIdonewithmylife, panicked, short breath, blank stare concerns with the quality of my contributions to modern world culture. Odds are against me making it to 100. If all goes to plan, then my first 25 years represent about 30-35% of the time I have in the world.

Note to self:Find religion soon. Preferably something Eastern and badass.

So again, it's time to make some life changes. Or at least talk about what I should do, all the time knowing damn well that I prolly won't change a thing. I don't have too many regrets about the past. Are there ever things I could have done which affects the way I view the entirety of my past? Specific events, certain times, and decisions - obviously yes. Taken as a whole though, my life rarely ever came down to that one moment where the decision I made forever changed who I became or what I remember. Thank Christ for that! Honestly, my decision making skills are not up for that bullshit.

But anyway, I need to volunteer somewhere, to feel like I'm contributing to something important, to something that I care about. Also, I need to be in a position where I can meet more people. While I don't feel the need (and usually lack the cash) to go out, I would prolly benefit from finding some chill, fucked up people to hang with.

I smoked about 5 cigarettes last weekend while drinking. I had stopped for a week. Not because I was hooked or anything but because smoking is fucking bad for you any way you slice it. Although I still want to grab for someone's pack when I see any anti-smoking commercial on TV in the same way I want to reach for an American flag and a Zippo when politicians push for anti-flag desecration laws. I guess if it's hinted that my freedom may be infringed upon, I'll either slowly kill myself with a smoke, or fight a war veteran just to spite America.

The board game Risk, aside from railing line after line of coke, is the most paranoia inducing invention mankind has ever poisoned himself with. Trust no one. Everyone is out to kill you and take your cards. Roll well, or be cut up piecemeal.

I don't know where I was going with this, but this week has dragged on and on and I just want Saturday to come....

25 issues are for suckers.

13:28:52 - 2000-12-14

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