meximick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you could cheer me up, I could learn to love you. Ahhh gayporn reviews. It's not often that I can review the latest in hardcore gay smut while in the cozy confines of the workplace - A) because I am heterosexual, and don't desire to keep up with all the goings on in the gay porno world and B) I typically would be blocked from viewing such webpages. But here we are. Got a free bottle of this on Jackson. It sucks like few products can suck. It has sucrose in it, which to me is sacchrine sweet. Also I am an useless non-active person who should only use Gatorade products to hold a hangover at bay, so the bottle doesn't look right at all in my hand. My back has been in fairly bad shape for a while. I can't help wondering how much of my pain is due to the stress I'm currently in. I care, and I don't. I care about being employed and having money, but I think no matter whether I search dilligently for the 'perfect job', or I take what I am qualified for when I finally decide to look, I'll end up pretty much where I am now, employed with a bullshit job at a bullshit company, doing things too boring to care about. Depressing. Lately, for fleeting moments (usually just only 5 minutes or so), I feel really depressed and helpless and trapped and lost and confused. I don't dwell on those moments, but just telling myself to have a positive attitude won't help. And I know things could be worse, but that's not helping either. The girl already shares enough of my problems, but I can't block how I really feel. I can't imagine what this would be like without her with me. I don't completely rely on her for my mental well-being, but she is always there for me, and I love her for it. That fleeting moment lasted half the day today. What would make me feel better? Looking for a job? Which job? What is it I really want out of life? Why am I bored with that fucking question? 1:09 p.m. - 2002-05-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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