meximick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a small story I once knew a girl in college that I had such a crush on, and she was not one of those out-of-reach dreamgirls. She was sweet. And real. And cute. And a little self-conscious. And quirky, in a shy way. And we wrote over long breaks and summers. We'd hang out from time to time, and all the while I had this crush on her and didn't say anything about it. I transferred to another school, and we'd email. And she'd tell me about what was new in her life, and I'd complain because that's one of my strengths. We kept this up for a while, maybe a couple of months. And it stopped being fun for me. It began to hurt because I couldn't see her the reallife way. So I don't remember exactly how, but I asked her to stop emailing. And I never mentioned my feelings - I blamed it on my schoolwork or something gay like that. So she stopped writing. I'd visit friends at her school, and I'd see her, but it wasn't the same at all. It was awkward, and stilted, and unfun. I still think about her sometimes. So the moral of this sad little story is that I basically cut out on this supercoolgirl, and it sucked. I could have been content to just be her friend, but it didn't seem enough and I left her, when I probably would have still been able to still talk to her from time to time if I hadn't built it up in my mind so much. And I'm still that guy. But I won't ever again stop talking with someone when I hurt because they can't be near. ..............andistillloveyou.............. 20:55:46 - 2001-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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