meximick's Diaryland Diary

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Holiday Party To-do List

I get along well with others once I get to know them, but throw me into a mingling-type environment where I only know a couple of people, and I guarantee many others will think I'm retarded because I tend to not talk, smile awkwardly, and run away and find a corner to hide out in. I have a holiday to go to this Saturday at a co-worker's place. Lots of the same people who I don't talk to (and avoid eye contact with) everyday will be there. What the fuck am I going to talk to with anyone there? Here's how I see thing playing out:

-Arrive around 8pm, 1 hour post partystart.
-Weak "hello, how are you"s liberally thrown about the room.
-Find liquor.
-Make self LARGE gin and tonic, making sure to ask for a cup/glass no smaller than 24 oz.
-Garnish with lime.
-Scan the room looking for that brunette from the news department and acertain her location.
-Talk with her about the joys of not being at work and liquor consumption.
-Excuse self to use restroom.
While in restroom, drink entire cup of gin & tonic. Urinate as necessary.
-*optional* - look in bathroom cabinets to check for Bactine (do they even make that anymore?). Or Librium.
-Return to liquor, make second huge gin&tonic.
-Scan room for that really cute news department female who never ever says anything to you even when you are knocking over fellow co-workers just to shout "Hi!" to her from across the crowded room room.
-Remain where you are, but maintain internal monologue: "She is really tall. What is she, like 6 ft.? So I'm 5'10", and she's like 4 inches... No way she's 6'2"?! That's crazy! She's pretty fucking cute, though... Her friend, the blonde, is not too bad herself either. And once, she did notice my Syrause University shirt, commenting that she's from Rochester... hmmm...
-Stop staring.
-Excuse self to restroom unless standing alone, then say nothing.
-Sit down for a minute (on floor, if necessary) and "pull yourself together".
-Drink entire cup of gin&tonic like a thirsty 8 year old chugging red Kool-Ade.
-Take some deep breaths. Try reenacting final scene from "Boogie Nights" -"I'm a star. I'm a star. I'm a big, bright shining star."
-Find hostess, and do not try to make out with her while saying goodbye.
-And don't grab her ass.
-Get the fuck out of there, find a taxi, and get bombed somewhere else.

Sheri's last day was yesterday, and now I have one less pleasant reason to come to work everyday.

And my English Breakfast tea tastes like dirt.

Laziness rules. I wanna lay down right now.

13:03:37 - 2000-11-29

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